The Incredible Experiment
by Squeaky
Summary: Xena, Austin Powers and others are tested to see if they can replace Shirley Feeney.


Laverne and Shirley 

The Incredible Experiment 1.0 

By Squeaky squeaky82@gurlmail.com 

What if Shirley Feeney had never existed? Could some other person ever take her place as Laverne's roommate? Could anyone else care so much for little ol' Boo Boo Kitty? Could anyone be just as disgusted of Lenny and Squiggy as she was? 

I, Willhemina "Squeaky" MacSqueakman, using state of the art computer technology, DNA samples and a the book: "How to succeed in the "making up some stuff to write a fan fiction story and still manage to have time to eat some ice cream while your mother keeps arguing because your cat left a little present on the living room's rug" business without really trying" , have conducted a experiment involving a number of well known television/movie characters. The results were astonishing (and frightening). You be the Judge. 

~*~Laverne and Phoebe (from Friends) 

It was a day just as any other in the girls' apartment... 

Phoebe sat on the couch strumming her guitar when suddenly Laverne stormed inside. 

Laverne: Phoebe quick: give me all the money you got! 

Phoebe: Huh? 

Laverne: This guy is selling me tickets for the Fabian concert at half price! He is waiting right out the building entrance. 

Phoebe: Ohh that's, great! Umm... Who's Fabian? 

Laverne: What do you mean who's Fabian! You love Fabian! 

Phoebe: No, I don't. I love Lenny and the Squiggtones. 

Laverne: Oh, come on Pheebs. We gotta go together to see Fabian. Besides I ain't got no money left and we don't get our pay checks until next week. 

Phoebe: I don't know. Like, last night I had this weird dream and I was lending you some money... then this gorilla named Lolo came and, like, I had to run to the kitchen and get some bananas. But we have no bananas in the kitchen today so if I lend you money and a gorilla comes we'll be in big trouble so---sorry! 

Phoebe grinned and kept playing 'Smelly Cat'. 

Laverne mumbled some swearing and walked out the door to tell the man with the tickets she wasn't going to buy anything. 

~*~Laverne and Xena (Warrior Princess) 

It was a day just as any other day at the girls' apartment. 

Xena sat on the livingroom couch sharpening the kitchen knives with a stone when suddenly Laverne stormed inside. 

Laverne: Xena quick: give me all the money you got! 

Xena sighed and rolled her eyes up. 

Xena: What is it this time Laverne? 

Laverne: This guy is selling me tickets for the Fabian concert at half price! He is waiting right out the building entrance. 

Xena put down the knives and the stone and tried to be patient. 

Xena: Laverne, you know we have no time to go to any concert. Ares is planning something and I have to find out what it is. Something tells me it has to do with Boo Boo Kitty. He appeared in the tub when I was taking a bath and mentioned something about cheap stuffing. 

Laverne: Wow, sounds bad! Don't you remember what he actually told you? 

Xena: No I--, I was busy um... admiring his... wet leather vest. 

Laverne: Oh, come on Xena. We gotta go together to see Fabian. Besides I ain't got no money left and we don't get our pay checks until next week. 

Xena: Laverne, you have to stay here and guard Boo Boo Kitty. Be prepared to use your staff . Ares shouldn't be far from Milwaukee and that means trouble. I'll be heading to the Pizza Bowl and see if I can find anything unusual. 

Laverne was upset, but she knew she had to protect Boo Boo Kitty. Xena started heading out the door. 

Laverne: Hey tell the ticket salesman we won't be going to the concert after all. 

Xena: Sure thing. Hey, do you want me to bring you a milk shake on the way back? 

Laverne: No, I'll just make some milk and Pepsi. 

~*~ Laverne and Yoda (of Dagobah) 

It was a day just as any other in the apartment... 

Yoda sat on the couch meditating when suddenly Laverne stormed inside. 

Laverne: Yoda quick: give all the money you got! 

Yoda: The solution to everything, money is not. 

Laverne: But I need to borrow from you real bad! 

Yoda: Explain. 

Laverne: This guy is selling me tickets for the Fabian concert at half price! He is waiting right out the building entrance. 

Yoda: Patience, young one. Find inner peace, you must. The path you shall follow, later will come. 

Laverne: Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Yoda. I'm in a real hurry now, we can talk about my Jedi training and all that stuff after I buy our tickets. So, come on. Hand over the cash. I know you got some bucks hidden around here somewhere. 

Yoda: To the concert, assist we shall not. 

Laverne: Oh, come on, master! We gotta go together to see Fabian. Besides I ain't got no money left and we don't get our pay checks until next week. 

Yoda gazed into Laverne's eyes and slowly he rose his little green hand. 

Yoda: Stay home, you will. 

Laverne: (monotonously) Stay home. I will. 

Yoda: Milk and Pepsi for Yoda, you shall prepare. 

Laverne: Don't push it. 

Laverne walked out the door to tell the man with the ticket salesman she wasn't going to buy anything. 

~*~Laverne and Austin Powers (International Man of Mystery) 

It was a day... oh I don't have to write it again, do I? 

Austin Powers sat in the living room watching some television when suddenly Laverne stormed inside. 

Laverne: Austin quick: give me all the money you got! 

Austin: Crikey! Slow down, baby. Don't freak out! Tell Austin all about it...(purrs) Yeah, baby, yeah! 

Austin pats his lap and motions Laverne to sit on it. 

Laverne: This guy is selling me tickets for the Fabian concert at half price! He is waiting right out the building entrance. 

Austin: Fabian? Why would you want to go to see Fabian, when you have an International Man of Mystery right in your own pad, baby. It's a very groovy profession. (chuckles). 

Laverne: Well, first of all, Fabian has very good teeth! 

Austin: Oh, really? But does he make you horny? Randy? Yeah, baby! (chuckles) Listen, baby, why don't you forget about the concert and I'll give you one of my famous massages. 

Laverne thought about it for a second and quickly sat beside Austin. 

Laverne:(flirtatiously) You're very shagadelic Austin. 

Austin: Oh behave! 

~*~ 

Now that you have been presented with only a few examples from my already mentioned experiment, it is up to you dear reader, to arrive to your own conclusions. But it is obvious enough that no person, no matter if it is a Warrior Princess, a Jedi Master, an International Man of Mystery or, well, Phoebe from Friends, will ever replace our cute little Shirley. 

THE END 


End file.
